


Concave Heart

by JcLoveex (orphan_account)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ashton Dies, Bottom Luke, Car Accidents, Character Death, Fluff and Smut, Implied Niall Horan/Zayn Malik, Implied Relationships, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Smut, Multiple Orgasms, Rimming, Smut, Top Ashton, at the end tho, cake also, don't think i want any of this to happen, ill have it at the bottom, in this Perrie and Zayn did NOT date, it just came about because of a youtube video, muke friendship is strong, no zerrie at all, not going to lie its sad af, past Zayn Malik/Female, that would be ziall, this is the longest piece thus far, zuke friendship strong af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:39:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4301586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/JcLoveex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> "Cause I knew Ashton!" Michael erupted. "Cause I know him Luke!"</p><p>"You don't know anything." Luke held the same look but his voice was trembling. </p><p>Michael sighed before continuing. "Yes I do, cause he was my best friend Luke. He was my best fucking friend and someone took him from me, from us.</p><p>(Or the one where Ashton didn't make it and Luke's trying to.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Concave Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Italicized = flashbacks / memories.

"Luke, I promise I will be back before the party start ok?" Ashton was running late for a writing session and Luke was already pissed off because he's boyfriend- _fiancé **-**_ wasn't really much help with planning their engagement party. "7 right?" 

If Ashton wasn't in the mirror trying to fix the curly mess on top of his head with his tongue sticking out in concentration, looking adorable, Luke would have actually thrown his shoe at the older boy. "No, it starts at 6." 

Ashton could sense the younger boy's frustration so he left the unruly curls alone and immediately tackled the boy onto the bed. Luke may have been taller than Ashton, but that didn't stop the said boy from always showing Luke who was in charge. He easily pinned Luke's hands above his body and smiled down at him. "I love you, you know that right?" 

"Of course." Luke responded while Ashton stared down at him. He always hated how the older boy looked at him like that, like he was the most precious thing in the world. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" 

Ashton of course, knew what he was trying to do. "I do, but _nothing_ is more important than you." He smirked lightly as the pink tint darken on his lover's face. "Don't forget that ok? No matter what, nothing is ever more important than you. You are my beginning and my end, I'm nothing without you by my side. I love you Luke, you're my forever." 

Mornings with Ashton never cease to amaze Luke, it was the part that he loved the most. This was the time where it's like Ashton bared his soul, but it was only for Luke. It was the time where it was gentle kisses and honest feelings. Ashton was more himself in the mornings and gave nothing but his pure emotions when it dealt with Luke. 

"I love you too Ash." Luke's voice was raspier than he expected but he soon noticed it was because of the hot tear running down his face. Ashton's thumbs quickly wiped the tears away and kissed the boy beneath him softly. 

Ashton gave him a few more kisses before getting up, pulling the boy with him. "I have to go now, because I'm already half an hour late but I'll call you once I leave ok?" 

"Ok," Luke nodded pecking Ashton on the lip again. "are you driving or riding your bike?" 

"My bike." Ashton said walking over to grab his keys out his drawer where he left them. 

"Be careful Ash," Luke was twisting his ring around his finger as he followed Ashton down the stairs. "don't go too fast on that death trap." 

Ashton knew how much Luke hated the bike, but Luke also knew how much Ashton wanted the bike. It was something he said he wanted since he was a kid and who was Luke to deny him of such joy? But Luke refused to ride on it whenever Ashton offered him a ride. He hated them and always said he wouldn't get on one. It's been three years since Ashton got the bike after the boys got their big break and Luke still continues to deny the boy of riding him on it. 

Ashton was grabbing his helmet when Luke pulled on his jacket sleeve. When he looked up into those eyes, he already knew what was going through the younger boy's mind. "I'm going to be ok Luke," He kissed the boy, just beside his lips. Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke and pulled him close. "I'll call you once I get to the meeting ok?"

"Just please atleast don't speed, this once just don't." Luke mumbled into his hair. "And make sure your helmet is on." 

"Ok baby." Ashton smiled kissing the boy again. "I promise, but I really have to go ok? I call you in a few." 

Ashton left the house after reassuring Luke once again that he was going to call and that he was going to be fine. He liked to speed but he loves Luke more.

 

(-&-)

 

"Michael, this isn't even your party so can you please stop trying to eat the cake?" Luke smacked the black hair boy upside the head. "Let alone your house, get your feet off the table." 

Michael grumbled about it's not even Luke's house because Ashton _bought_ it, but Luke wasn't going to argue with the boy while family and friends were around. He knew once he got going with the older boy then there was no stopping them. Michael was the only child and was used to getting his way, so he let everyone know that his way was always the right way. 

Luke looked over to see the boys all talking to each other. He always thought it was great that the One Direction boys were still their friends after they got off tour with the boys. He was actually shocked to see Zayn there since he left the band for, well very personal reasons, but glad to see the tan boy smiling and laughing with the rest of the guest. Luke looked down at his phone to see Ashton say that he was leaving the studio, that Calum was at also, and he would be there soon. 

"Hey, baby." He looked up to see his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen. "How are you?" 

"'m fine." Luke smiled as his mom threw her arms around the boy. He missed his mom so much, being that they recently just got put on break from their tour and he hasn't been able to she her since Christmas. It was nice to be able to be this close to her again. Luke was always a mommy's boy and he wasn't afraid to let it be known. "Just waiting on Ash to get here." 

"Ah, the other man of the hour." She smiled up at her youngest boy. "I'm so happy for you two, it's amazing to witness this." Liz always thought the duo was adorable, remembering when Luke would come home after school and talk about the boy from his English class nonstop without even noticing it. Luke rambled on about the boy with the blonde curly hair and the hazel eyes for about two weeks before Liz called him out on it and stated that he needed to tell the boy. Luke refused at first but Liz stated how she is never wrong. 

And she never was. 

Luke went around the room and got to talk the people that were here to congratulate him and Ashton on becoming soon to be newlyweds. His nan was going on about how she was happy he finally stop dating that Aaliyah girl, Luke never corrected her after that time he tried and she still said it wrong, and found someone who loved him for him. 

Louis was the first from the group that brought the young giant into a hug stating "You're a nut Hemmings, getting married at 18 but since it's Ash I guess it's acceptable." 

"Oi, Louis!" Niall was the second to voice his opinion. "Mate, congratulations. It's great that you and Irwin are tying the knot. It's really no need of drawing it out, seeing as neither of you are leaving anytime soon from the other's side." 

Luke smiled and thanked all them for coming. When he met eyes with Zayn, he could see the desolation behind the boy's hazel eyes. Luke gave him a timid smile and when Zayn returned one brighter, it cause something warm in Luke's heart. He always loved  Zayn's smile, it was his best feature in the boy's opinion. 

"Luke," Luke look over to see Michael calling him over into the hallway. He excused himself from the conversation with his Aunt Mindy and went to the boy with an confused look. "We have to go to the hospital." 

"What, why?" Luke's eyebrow's furrowed. "What's going on?" 

"Calum called me, we have to go to the hospital right _now_ Luke." Michael's eyes were starting to glisten and he saw how serious he was. 

Luke nodded looking over to Harry, being that he was coming out the kitchen and closest to the boys. "Hey, Harry can you let my mom know that me and Michael are going to the hospital?"

"Sure, is everything alright?" Harry looked at the two, but Michael was already grabbing his keys and pulling Luke out the house before he could answer the boy. "Call me when you get there!" 

Luke shouted back 'ok' before he got in the car. Michael was driving and he wouldn't really tell Luke what was going on other than Calum said they needed to get down there now.

It didn't dawn on Luke that maybe something happened to Ashton, it wasn't the most current thing on his mind. 

It didn't hit him until he saw Calum in the waiting room sitting with his head in his hands, his leg shaking as he rocked back and forth. 

It didn't hit him until he heard Calum crying over and over, "It didn't see him, it didn't seem." 

It didn't hit him until the doctor was walking over to them asking for a Luke Hemmings. 

It didn't hit him until the doctor explained what was going on. 

The older man face was stressed and held great sorrow. 

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he didn't make it." Calum started crying louder while Michael's mouth dropped with nothing coming out. "He lost too much blood, since he didn't have his helmet. The car slammed into him at a rate of 90 mph, his life was on a thread when he got here but even with a blood transfusion his body wasn't responding well. He died on the operation table, I'm so sorry for your lost." The doctor, gave them a sad smile before walking away to talk to another family. 

"No," Luke mumbled still looking at the spot the doctor was standing. "no, no, no, no, _no_!" 

Michael was torn between getting Calum to breath and catching Luke before he fell. "It's ok, it's ok." Even Michael knew he was lying.

"NO! He can't be dead!" Luke shouted as his chest started tightening up. "No, we're getting married in December. We're going back on tour in two weeks. We're- _we're_ , no!"

Michael was still trying to get both of the boys calm but he couldn't do much with tears falling down his face and know in his mind that Ashton wasn't here right now to help him. "Come on, it's going to be ok." He tried his hardest to stop crying so he could help but it was unbearable. "Calum, I need for you to breath for me ok? Come on, I need to breath for me babe, that's it in and out. In and out." He chanted softly as Luke started abusing Michael's chest. 

"No, Mikey. I want Ashton, please." Luke cried as his band mate's grip tighten on him. Michael has maneuvered them on the ground, so that he could talk to Calum while comforting Luke. "I want Ashton, please." 

"I know, Luke. God, I know you do." Michael held the boy in his arms as a nurse came to help him with getting Calum to calm down. The boy was still having trouble but was getting better. "I know Luke, I know." 

The nurse tended to Calum while Michael rocked the youngest boy in his arms. He didn't say much, because what can you say when you're bestfriend die, let alone your fiance? Luke started mumbling about the wedding and Michael let him, he let him talk about whatever he wanted right now because that was all he could give him. He felt Luke's grip on his shirt tighten as he got to the part about the vows and how he already knew what he was saying to Ashton. 

"-And I said I loved him, more than I loved myself." Luke cried as another wave of tears came through. "I was going to tell him, that this he is the reason, I'm who I am today." 

Michael hummed as Luke continued, letting him get everything out.

 

(-&-)

 

"Breaking news, band member Ashton Irwin, was killed last night after leaving the studio. It was stated that a car was driving 40 miles over the speed limit when they crashed into Irwin, who was not wearing his helmet. Irwin was pronounced dead at the hospital at 7:16 p.m. at Hoblin Memorial Hospital. Irwin was preparing to go back on the headlining tour with band, 5 Seconds of Summer, as well as getting ready for his wedding to band mate and long time boyfriend, Luke Hemmings."

Luke stared at the woman as she spoke during a breaking news segment. He was sitting on the right side of th-his bed, holding Ashton's helmet that he forgot at the studio. One of the workers brought it over this morning, leaving it on the doorstep since Luke didn't answer the door. 

"Ashton Irwin, was loved and he will be missed." The reporter spoke before pictures of Ashton started coming on the TV. 

Luke held onto the black helmet as he saw his fia-Ashton's face being shown over and over. He didn't even try to stop the tears as they fell down, his heart clenching at the smile that was plastered all over Ashton's face. Luke looked up to see them showing a tweet that Ashton posted a while back, "I only got forever and forever is fine." 

_"Why are you being so quotey lately?" Luke asked while lying on the couch. Ashton's been getting inspirational lately, posting nice quotes and really been positive, it's nothing bad but Luke was curious._

_"First off," Ashton giggled looking over at the younger boy. "Quotey is not a word, Lucas." When he received a pillow to the face, he erupted into a fit of giggles again._

_Luke rolled his eyes as the older boy stared at him with an amused smile on his face. "What's got you in a good mood lately?"_

_"Just been happy." Ashton shrugged still smiling at the boy. "We're finally living our dream doing what we love, I'm just in a good place."_

_Luke hummed, closing his eyes. He was still pretty tried from the concert last night, hence why he didn't change out his pajamas from last night yet or ever tempted to do his hair. Unf. "Ashtonnnn,"_

_"Yes baby?" He giggled on top of Luke._

_Luke always loved when Ashton called him that, because Luke was his baby.Yeah he was the baby of the group but, he was also Ashton's precious little baby. Ashton basically watch him turn from a shy gentle giant to the young caring man that he is today. Ashton always told him that no matter what, Luke is and always will be his precious baby._

_"Get off me," Luke mumbled into Ashton's arm, seeing that it was covering his face. "you're heavy."_

_"That's ok, I'm just filled with alot of love for you." Ashton smiled watching Luke's face become a pleasant pink. "You're my forever Luke."_

_"What?" Luke turned on his back so he could actually look at Ashton._

_"You're my forever, you're basically it for me." Ashton whispered. "I love you, always have since I met you and even then I knew that this was it. I was so far gone for you Luke that I didn't want anybody else, I didn't need anyone else. You're my forever, and forever is fine with me."_

_Luke's eyes held unshed tears but his smile was blinding. "I love you so much, so so so so so much."  He pulled Ashton face down to his, pressing kisses everywhere. "So much."_

Luke watched as they shown fans that were crying around the world, alot of crowds at the different places the boys were. He closed his eyes as he listened to the fandom chant Ashton's name. His heart beat rapidly from the cries and the wails that were heard. "So much, I love you so much Ash." 

"Ashton was everything," Luke heard a girl talking but didn't look up. "He always made me smile whenever I had a bad day, he helped me through so much. I remember when I got to meet him when they first started, they were still fairly new so alot of people didn't know about him but they had a great crowd. He was standing at the end, waiting patiently for everyone to get to him." Luke heard the pain in the girl's voice, knowing that she was crying her eyes out. "H-He opened his arms and told me to stop crying. I told him that he saved my life, then he asked me how. I said 'because life isn't so sweet, isn't really worth living anymore.' Ashton held me tight and said 'life is like sour patch kids; sour, sweet, gone. But you have to savor the sweet cause the sour doesn't last long. Don't let life be gone before you enjoy the sweet moments.'"

Luke's face held a proud look underneath all the tears, cause that sounded like his Ashton. Always giving comforting words, never letting one feel down about themselves. 

"Hemmings and Irwin have been dating for 6 years, meeting back in high school. They were planning on getting married December the 3rd, which would have been four years that the band has been formed with Irwin as the drummer. Our hearts here at New 20 go out to Luke Hemmings, fellow band members and family of Ashton Irwin. I'm Katie Samuels and that's the story for this afternoon." 

After the news, Luke shut the TV off and was met with silence. Something that he never liked to hear in this house, it was so unlikely to hear nothing in the house. He wanted to sleep, but after leaving the hospital he didn't know what to do. His mom got everyone to leave before he came back, cleaned up and got Ashton's family home safely. He didn't want anyone here when he got home, refusing Michael's offer to stay with him. 

He wanted Ashton.

But he couldn't get him.

 

(-&-)

 

It's been two weeks, two long and dreadful weeks of getting asked "How are you holding up?" and being told "It's going to be ok, he's with God now." 

He didn't care that Ashton was with God, he wanted Ashton to be with _him_. He wanted Ashton to be there when he needed a hug or to kiss him when he's feeling down. He wanted Ashton to talk about the nonsense he saw on tv or let Luke play in his hair. He wanted Ashton to be here with him not God. 

And he want's holding up. He was tearing down, slowly. The worst kind, where it's like day by day a piece of him was leaving to never come back. Luke's soul was breaking and his heart was heavier than he ever imagined. He wanted to be finishing up the plans for his wedding not attending Ashton's wedding.

"Mate, the car's here." Luke was still laying in his bed with the covers wrapped tight around him when Michael walked in. "Luke, come on everyone is waiting for you." 

"I don't care." He mumbled looking at the photo frame that held a picture of Ashton sleeping with Lauren cuddled up to him. Luke's favorite picture of the two. 

Michael sat on the bed, making sure not to touch Ashton's side, and looked at his friend. He already knew Luke was broken since the death but now he could see it. It's shown on his face. His electric blue eyes were dead, dull and done. There wasn't color to his face, he was so pale. The dark gloom that he held was more than just his is spirit it was existence. Luke was starting to become walking death, something that no one imaged a soulful, energetic boy to be. At only 18, Luke looked like he's been throw trouble that was expected for his life. 

"Ashton wouldn't want you to be like this Luke." 

His eyes shot over at Michael at the sound of his name, but the stare was deadly. "How would you fucking know? He's not here to even verify that bullshit." 

"Cause I knew Ashton!" Michael erupted. "Cause I _know_ him Luke!"

"You don't know anything." Luke held the same look but his voice was trembling. 

Michael sighed before continuing. "Yes I do, cause he was my best friend Luke. He was my best fucking friend and someone took him from me, from us. I know that he wouldn't want you to be like this, he wouldn't want you to sit here in your own death bed. He would want us to be happy and continue on." 

Luke stared at Michael's hand, because he couldn't look in his face. He knew that the minute he does then it would all be over, he would crumble and all his walls would come tumbling down. "I just want him here Michael, I miss him so much." 

"I know, I do too." Michael softly spoke. 

It took time and patience but Michael got Luke to shower and even helped him get dressed. Luke was dead weight on his feet but Michael didn't mind, he wanted to help his friend as much as he needed knowing that this was something they all had to get through together. They had each other and they were going to do this together. Calum was waiting for them downstairs, didn't want to be at the church alone. Ashton's family already was there as well as their's but they wanted to be together.

When they got to the church, Luke's heart stopped. Even with all the screaming coming from the people gathered outside, his ears were death to the noises not hearing them shout their love for them or hearing the cries. He wanted to run, to get away from everything that had to do with Ashton's death but Michael and Calum were right by his side. Each were holding his hand, holding him up, while the body guards walked them through the doors. 

"We got you Luke, we got you." Calum voice brought Luke back, making him look at the older boy to see his eyes already brim with red. "We got you." 

Everyone stood as the door opened, Luke saw the looks on everyone faces as they met his eyes. _Pity_. 

The three walked in together, each giving a squeeze every step to calm the other down. Luke saw familiar face, some of his management, people he wrote with, friends from school and family. When he got to the front of the church, he saw the shiny black casket and stopped. Immediately Calum and Michael held him as his body gave out and he shook his head wanting the image to disappear. 

"We got you Luke, I promise we got you." Calum whispered in his ear, moving him to his seat. He sat in between the two, next to Ashton's mom and siblings. 

The ceremony held everything that contained Ashton. 

Someone from management got up to say some words about Ashton and how much of a hard worker he was. 

Lauren went up for the family, giving a story about her brother that she said he threaten her whenever she wanted to tell it. How Ashton let her try make up techniques on him before she did them on herself. Michael had to keep her together while she cried about her brother and how much he loved her and his family. 

"Ashton was a cool guy." Jack got up, Luke smiled timidly at his brother's voice. Luke wanted him to speak because the two boys got really close as friends once Luke and Ashton started dating. "I remembered when Luke brought him home for the first time to meet us, a nervous mess he was. Going around the house making sure everything was alright for his little Ashton." Some people in the audience laughed, and it made Luke think that what if this was Jack's best man speech.

"I never seen Luke want someone's approval so bad in my life. He wanted us to like Ashton as much as he did that he went out of his way, because quite frankly we loved him as soon as we met him. Ashton was a positive person, loved to see anyone who's around him smiling. He came into the family, knowing that he was stuck with us." Jack wiped the tears falling down his face but continued on.  "You could tell that he loved Luke, that he wanted nothing but the best for him. He did all that he could for my baby brother, making sure he was safe when Ben and I weren't there. I remember telling Ashton, cause Ben was too much of a wuss," some people laughed again and Luke could image the look on his mom's face from Jack saying wuss in the church. 

"I told him that if he hurt my brother that I would find him, and show him that he can't hurt Luke. I said that he only had one chance because Luke's a special one, he's a unique person that shouldn't be hurt by the world let alone the guy he's head over heels for." Jack looked at his little brother, the mini version of him, and smiled. "Ashton said that Luke wasn't going to get hurt cause he would give it all up if Luke wanted him to. He didn't want to ever see tears from Luke unless with was joy, and so far he kept that promise to me." 

The rest went by with time. The funeral was a close casket because of the damage done to Ashton's body, Luke didn't want his little brother or sister to see that but he still let whoever wanted to say goodbye to the boy go ahead of him in the room where they wheeled the body. Once Anne Marie walked out with Liz, Michael and Calum went together at Luke's request. The boys stood back to wait for him but he couldn't move, he knew he should do this but he couldn't move his feet. 

"You don't have to do it." Luke knew the voice, but it still startled him because he didn't see him when he walked in. "No one is going to make you say goodbye this way, you can do it however you want." 

"But I should, because I was going to marry him." Luke whispered, even though the church was basically empty except for the few of them. "I have to." 

Zayn shook his head, placing a hand over Luke's. "You don't have to _do_ anything. You're only human Luke, you don't have to go and face it this way, because if you're not 100% ok with saying goodbye like this then don't do it. You're only going to hurt yourself more in the long run." 

Nodding, Luke got up and walked out the door with Zayn and the rest of the boys following him. 

 

(-&-)

 

_Ashton was sick, but he still wanted to take Luke on their one year anniversary date._

_"You're basically lying in your own sweat Ash, we can go when you're feeling better." Luke promised kneeling on the floor beside Ashton's bed. He ran his hand through the boy's hair making him shudder at the cold feeling of Luke's hands._

_Ashton started whining, making Luke chuckle. "I wanted to show you the best night of your life, this isn't fair."  He closed his eyes, relaxing at the feeling._

_"You got the rest of your life to show me the best night of my life." Luke said before blushing after he took notice of what he said. "I me-if you want, I don't mind but totally up to you. Yep, it's all up to you, you're in control of your life, who cares if I'm there or not? I mean I would like to but if you-"_

_Ashton was giggling as his boyfriend rambled on. "Shut up Luke." The younger boy did as told and shut up. He sat on his hind legs, his face holding a small pout. "I'm honored that you want me to be with you for the rest of our lives."_

_Luke blushed and look everywhere but Ashton's face._

_"I love you."_

_Luke eyes shot over to Ashton as the boy looked dead at Luke. "What?"_

_"I love you." Ashton repeated still holding his gaze. "Kind of have since I saw you in English class with those dorky glasses."_

_"Why?" Luke didn't mean to say that but he was curious._

_Ashton pulled the boy onto the bed, even though Luke said he needed to rest. "Shush you," Ashton placed a hand on Luke's mouth to make him stop talking. "I love you because you're you. You're a kind spirit, with a kinder heart. I love that you're shy, that it takes a bit to open you up but when you're comfortable there's nothing stopping you. I love you and all your flaws, even though I don't know what they are because you're perfect to me."_

_Trying to stop the tears, Luke buried his face into Ashton's neck. "You fucking dick." He whimpered, causing Ashton to laugh, which resulted in Luke shaking involuntary. "I love you too by the way. Like alot."_

_Ashton smiled at the younger boy, his baby. Ashton sighed some when noticing that Luke was starting to grow, becoming a little taller than Ashton and making him sad. "Why can't you just stay my little baby?"_

_"Hmm?"  Luke looked up to his boyfriend. "What do you mean Ash?"_

_"You getting taller me now," He pouted, which caused Luke to laugh. "I want you to stay smaller than me and be my baby. My sweet little baby boy."_

_"I'm always going to be your baby." Luke blushed deeper as he admitted it. "I'm no one else's really."_

_Ashton laughed, pulling Luke further into his arms. "Good because you're always going to be my baby, only mine."_

 

_(- &-)_

 

It's hard to think of 5 Seconds of Summer without the original remembers, without the original drummer.

It's more hard to hear that you have to replace your boyfriend with someone you never met before in your life.

Luke wanted to scream, fight, hell he wanted to fucking blow something up at this rate. It wasn't a complete shock to hear that management wanted them to find someone to replace Ashton but they had the decency to announce it on the official Twitter rather than telling the boys first. It's rude and down right disgusting that they didn't even ask the boys how they felt about a new member, let alone if they wanted to continue on with the band themselves. This was something they started together, aren't they supposed to finish together?

"It's fucking wrong." Luke said into the empty room as he read on this laptop that they were currently looking for a new drummer. "He hasn't even been gone for a _fucking_ month!"  

Before Luke could comprehend, his laptop was smashed on the floor and screen held a lard crack that caused one side to go completely black. He sat there trying to control his breathing, wanting to pick something up and just throw it. He was brought out of his rage by his phone. It was Calum.

"Hello?" 

"Are you ok?" Calum cut straight to the point, knowing that Luke already saw the tweet.

Luke scoffed. "Of course I saw that bullshit, I can't believe them Cal. They didn't even fucking ask us!" 

"I know," He sighed into the phone.

This was still fresh on everybody's mind but they knew how tricky management could get. It was hard enough for them not to mettle into Ashton and Luke love life but if they wanted something, they got it. 

Luke shook his head as all the thoughts came running through his mind. "They can't fucking do that Calum, they can't do that." 

Luke was tired of crying, tried of shedding all these tears because he couldn't have Ashton. He wanted them to stop, he wanted everything to go back normal but normal is with Ashton and he's never getting that back. He's never going to have his Ashton back. 

"They can't replace him Calum, they can't fucking do that." 

 

(-&-)

 

"Luke, sweetie you have to get up." He heard his mom's voice but it didn't matter. 

It was one of those days were he didn't want to be bothered or touched. He didn't want comfort or to see anybody. He wanted to lie in his on pool of self-pity, wanting nothing more than to move past this. It haunted him on most days, but he could still try to mustard up a smile (even if it wasn't real) and make the people think he was making progress. But today, wasn't one of those days. 

"Come on Luke, Daisy's here to see you with Ben and Jack." Liz knew how much Luke loved his niece and was wrapped around her pudgy little fingers. "Don't you want to go say 'Hi' to them?" 

He shook his head, closing his eyes as his eyes started watering up. It was hitting hard for him today, making him more emotional than ever. Luke could practically feel Ashton's presence in the room, making him want to reach out and find the boy and pull him close. It was making him go mad, knowing that it was impossible to touch the love of his life ever again. 

"When you feel like it sweetie, we'll be downstairs." 

Once the door shut, Luke sighed in relief from the breath he was holding. He looked up to the other side of the room where he swore he was staring at a dim white light that was in a figure of a man. 

"Why did you have to leave me?" He thought staring at the light. "I wanted my life with you, why did they have to take you away from me?" 

-

When Luke woke up, he was feeling out of it. His head was pounding and his body felt cold. He rolled over to see that the clock was showing 11:32 pm, meaning his mom and the rest already left. He got up to go take a shower, given that he was in bed all day and didn't even move or even eat. 

It didn't take long for the water to warm up, loosing the joints in his aching body. He recalled the memories of when Ashton would wash his hair if he felt bad, but now it was up to him to do it. 

Luke laid back down in bed only to sit back up and grab his phone that was sitting on the charger all day. He looked through for a certain contact and clicked on it when he got to it. 

 _"Hi you reached Ash, sorry I'm not able to get to the phone right now but leave a message and I'll get back to you mate. Unless you're Michael, in which cause I'm not calling you back._ " 

Luke smiled sadly as he played it over and over again, listening to Ashton's voice until it physically hurt. 

-

"I sorry to bother you, but I need someone to talk to." Luke bounced on the ball of his feet as Zayn chuckled ushering him in. Luke followed him into the living room where he was clearly watching TV, but it made Luke feel less as bad since he thought he woke the boy up when it's clearly 1 in the morning. 

Zayn sat down, patting the seat next to him for Luke to sit with him. He brought his feet up and sat criss-cross while the younger boy fumbled with the him of his shirt. Luke knew that Zayn wasn't going to make him talk because that's the type of person he is, he rather you speak when you're ready. And _was_ ready to talk, but he didn't know where to start or how. It was like his mind was pulling in different directions, making it hard for him to even understand what he wanted to ask. 

"How did you move past it?" His mouth formed before he knew it.

He could see Zayn tense but he still held his composure, and turned the tv down some so that atleast Luke wasn't condemned to complete silence.

"I haven't." Zayn said glancing at him then looking back at the tv. It was clear he didn't even know what he was watching.

Luke turned to face him. "But you look better, far better than me." He blushed at how he worded that, licking his lips. "I mean you look different than you were-well when it happened." 

Zayn gave a soft smile before turning his head to look at Luke. "You can say it, I won't break down in to a million pieces." 

"Since Tiffany died." 

"That wasn't so bad was it?" Zayn smiled. "And to answer your question I haven't moved past it because I'm working on it. Even after 10 months of her being gone, I'm working on it." 

They both sat there for while, just in each other presence. Zayn would offer Luke some of his popcorn that he popped a while ago and this soda that he didn't open yet. Luke appreciated, being that this was his basically his first meal today, or since yesterday really. 

"It's not going to be easy." Zayn said after 30 minutes of silence. Luke kept his eyes on the TV but he knew Zayn was looking at him. "Getting over someone's death is never easy but when that person is someone you love with everything in you, it's one of the hardest experiences you have to get through." 

Luke nodded like he understood but he didn't. "I just don't get it, why Ashton? He was mine, he _is_ mine." 

"Yeah, he is." Zayn agreed grabbing Luke's hand to get attention and once he had it, he continued. "He's yours, because that was his purpose in life. To be yours, and you should be honored to have been his. Losing Tiffany was the hardest thing that's ever happened to me, I loved her Luke. I love her." Luke never saw Zayn cry a day in his life and he doesn't think he ever wants to again. It was torture to see someone that's always strong so vulnerable. 

"She was my girlfriend for 3 years and my bestfriend for my whole life." Zayn took a deep breath to calm himself down. "I knew she was the one for me, I felt it in my heart whenever I looked at her. She was going to be my wife, I was going to be her husband and we were going to had the big house with the teal picket fence, 'cause that was her favorite color. I was sold the minute she was brought into my life, even at a year old I knew." 

"This heartache is not something you can just move pass, so know that we're all behind you. We aren't going to make you move pass this, hell there are people that lost their love well over half their life and their still not over it. You just have to continue on." 

Luke shook his head as tears welled up. _God_ , is he ever going to stop crying? "I don't want to continue on, I want Ashton. I want him, our wedding, our future. I miss him Zayn, so fucking much and it's like I'm the only one that can't understand that he's gone. It's like I know physically he's gone but I can't say bye."

"Do you know how Tiffany died?"

Luke shook his head.

"Suicide." Zayn simply put it. "She killed herself. She took a bottle of pain killers and took them right in my bathroom while I was on tour. Do you know how hard that is? To hear that your girlfriend died in your house? By her own term? And to think that you should have seen it coming? Like you should have seen the signs?" Zayn gave his hand a squeeze. "Basically I felt like I wasn't good enough, our life together wasn't _good_ enough but you know what?" 

Luke stared at him.

"I have to continue on." 

Luke shut his eyes, stopping the on coming wave of tears. 

"And you have to take it one step at a time." Zayn pulled the younger boy in his arms as his body shook. "You don't have to say goodbye babe, just let him know that you're safe and that you're ok. Because I'm positive that that's what Ashton wants the most, to know that you're ok. And you are, you're ok Luke." He spoke smoothly while the boy clung to him. "You're ok, it's going to be ok. Yes he's gone but he still lives in you. He's always here with you, so don't say goodbye. Just say that you're ok." 

Luke's body shook as Zayn continued to quiet him down. Luke continued to wish that Ashton was here, to be the one that was holding him but he wasn't and Luke was going to have to live with that. He was going to have to continue on with his life, one day at a time. 

Luke left Zayn's house early that morning, he fell asleep with Zayn on the couch. They were woken up by noises in the kitchen that had Luke scared until Zayn explained that it was just Niall. Luke held his gaze until Zayn's cheeks were turning a little pink and Luke made a excuse that he had to leave but not before telling Zayn thanks. (And telling him that protection is the key, which Zayn threw the remote at him.)

 

(-&-)

 

_"A-Ash, pleaseee" Luke whined as Ashton continued eating him out._

_His arms gave out a long time ago, having him to bury his face into the bed and knuckles turning white from his grip on the covers. Ashton made him cum twice already, first from when they were on the couch and Luke was basically humping him and the second from the blow job Ashton delivered when they got to the room._

_Luke's body shook when he felt Ashton's groan vibrate through him. "Please Ashton, pleease."_

_Ashton continued licking and biting Luke's rim, dipping his finger in ever once in a while. He was aiming on four tonight, because it was kind of a special occasion which he wanted to do for a long time. When Luke's leg fell onto the bed, Ashton grabbed his lips and positioned him so that he could still continue his work. Luke whined as Ashton started massaging his prostate, while still nipping on his rim. He was completely tired but didn't want to stop, it was all to good. Too much._

_Luke couldn't even make a sound as he came again, making this number 3. It wasn't as much as number 1 but it was still something._

_He shivered as Ashton kissed up his back, slowly making his way to Luke's neck. Ashton helped the younger boy flip over so that Ashton could look at how wrecked Luke was. His swollen lips were that pretty shade of red while his cheeks were flushed. If Ashton could, he would take a picture to show the world but he didn't want the world to see what was his._

_"You're so beautiful Luke." He mumbled against the boy's neck. Blowing over the hickey that was formed around orgasm number 1. "So beautiful, my precious baby."_

_Luke whimpered as Ashton pressed his lips to Luke's softly, slowly getting the boy back up. He opened his mouth as Ashton started biting on his lips softly, licking inside. When Ashton grind down on Luke, he panted, not fully ready yet._

_"Ashton." Luke grabbed onto his biceps and scrunched up his face. "I want you inside me, please."_

_Ashton always smiled whenever Luke asked so nicely to be fucked. He never demanded it but always asked as sweetly as he could._

_"Sure thing baby." Ashton kissed the corner of his mouth._

_Luke patiently waited for Ashton to push inside him, know that the other boy has yet to release yet. When he felt the pressure of Ashton's dick inside him, he's body started sucking it in without him really trying, being so used to it. Ashton wanted to take it slow but he knew neither of them would last longer, so he speed up, grazing Luke's prostate each time._

_"Uh, uh" Luke moaned out, back arching up each time. Ashton had his arms pinned above him, watching him become so wrecked. "Ashton, yes."_

_Ashton grunted in return, hitting the prostate dead on now. "That's right baby, let everyone know who my baby is."_

_"Me," Luke whined, his face turned to the side. His mouth was wide open, panting out as he was used._

_Ashton was the first to cum but he continued to push Luke through, never stopping until his baby was done. Luke came, dry, it was so beautiful causing Ashton to have tears well up. He pulled out Luke, slowly, careful to not hurt the boy. He went to get a warm washcloth with soap to wash Luke up. When he was done, he climbed in pulling the younger boy into his arms._

_"I'm so proud of you baby, you did so good for me." Ashton praised him, beaming to show how proud he was of his baby._

_"Thank you Ash." Luke yawned, completely put out from all he's done tonight. He never did four in one night, so he was tired but he felt Ashton moving around so he wasn't in peace. "Stop moving."_

_"I will once you open your eyes."_

_Luke did to only find a silver band in his face, he almost closed his eyes back because this was a fucking dream. But it wasn't, it was Ashton holding a ring that-_

_"Does the inside say 'forever'"? Luke whispered looking up at Ashton, who nodded with a pleased smile on his face._

_"Yeah," He placed the ring on Luke's ring finger. "you're my forever. Luke Hemmings will you do me the honor of marrying me?"_

_Luke looked the ring, how it looked so pretty on his hand then he looked at Ashton. "You fucking dick." Throwing his arms around the boy, blocking him from seeing the tears fall down his face. "You're a fucking dick."_

_"So does that mean yes?" Ashton asked, a little too smug to Luke's liking, but he already knew the answer._

_"Of course," Luke kissed his neck. "I love you."_

_"I love you too, you know alot." Ashton laughed as he left Luke bite his skin._

 

_(- &-)_

 

Luke walked up the hill, careful of the rocks and other tombstones that were around. He didn't want to disrespect anyone and break their headstone. 

"Hey," He sat infront of the one he was avoiding for the past month. Two weeks after the talk, he decided he's ready for his 'goodbye'. "How are you?"  When he was met with silence he looked up at the words written on the stone. 

_Ashton Fletcher Irwin_

_Son, brother, friend and light._

_7 July, 1994 - 15 May, 2015_

_"I only have forever and forever is fine."_

Luke smiled at the words, feeling the warm feeling he's been missing for the past few weeks. 

"I'm ok," Luke spoke. "I miss you but I'm ok. I know you're probably worry more about me than I am about you but I'm ok. I'm never going to forget you Ash, I'm your forever and you're always going to be my light. Remember that, alright? I'm fine down here, I'm getting back to being me cause I know it's better for me." 

Luke looked up, feeling something around him. He looked just past Ashton's gravestone to see a light figure. Ashton.

"I will always love you," He smiled, feeling the boy smile back at him. "I would say until I die, but I know that it's going to go past that." Even though it was blazing hot out side, he felt a cool breeze soothe over him. "I know you love me too." 

Luke sat there talking to Ashton until he said he had to go because he was meeting Zayn for lunch. He placed a kiss on the stone, promising to visit him again soon. Once he got to the small building he saw Zayn waiting for him in the back. 

Zayn looked up when he heard the chair move. "Hey mate, how's it going?"

"Good," Luke smiled. "It's going good, I went to see Ash." 

"That's great, how was it?" Zayn grabbed his cup, pulling the straw towards his mouth with the straw. 

Luke shock his head at the boy antics. "Fine, calming actually." 

"Good." Zayn nodded, picking up his menu to look the items over.

Luke did the same, even though he kind of know what he was going to get anyway. Michael brought him food from here awhile ago and Luke was in love. It was a simple BLT on toast bread with a side of chips, and a large tea. When the waitress came back, they placed their order and handed off their menus and started with some small talk. 

Luke asked him how he was holding up without being in the band anymore, knowing that Zayn left because he still needed time to get himself together. Zayn replied that it was ok, strange since the guys were leaving soon and this time he wasn't going with them. But he was going to fly out to them within the next week or two, being that he was going to miss them. 

"Them or Niall?" Luke smirked as the lady placed their food on the table and walked off. Luke heard Zayn groan and looked up to see the older boy's face a nice shade of pink. 

"Shut up," He said with no heat behind it. "Them." 

Luke laughed shaking his head. "Mate, I can see that hickey on your neck from the door. It's cool though, you and Horan. Cute couple." 

Zayn mumbled a 'thanks' as a small smile came to his face even though he tried to fight it off. 

They continued on about other stuff and ate their food. When they paid their food, Zayn said they could hang at his house for a while and watch movies.

"Oi, is Niall going to be there?" Luke laughed, dodging a weak punch. He kept it up the whole way to Zayn's house, please to see the boy flustered from all the teasing. They were watching Mulan when Niall walked the house, clearly using a key. Zayn tried to not notice him but Niall came and sat right in his lap, cuddling into the boy's embrace. "Aw this is so cute."

"Luke." Zayn groaned. 

"How tops?" He burst out laughing as Niall shouted "Me!" and Zayn tried to smother him with a pillow. 

 

 

 

Yeah, he was going to be ok.

 

**Author's Note:**

> it's sad, it's about Louis and I don't know how I got there but it's one of the most beautiful and saddest things I've ever seen. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=OmA0YqPfq9U&utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=chrome_extension&utm_campaign=youtubeonrepeat


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